Sporting Choices

Being temporally fluent, let’s say, I am often sought after for my supposed objectivity. Recently, many have come to me wondering which team to support in a two-team town. For reasons which aren’t entirely clear, I always know who deserves your enthusiasm. Here are your instructionsn North American version:

1. New York: Mets (as opposed to the best team money can buy), Jets (because it rhymes with Mets, and they have a better logo), and the Nets (because they’re not the Knicks).
2. The Bay Area: the A’s (just ’cause), the Niners (everyone loves a miner), and the Warriors (only game in town).
3. Los Angeles: for baseball, neither (ain’t no such thing as Angels, and the Dodgers have Dodger fans); for basketball, neither (they’re in the same conference as the Nuggets, history’s most supreme team all sports considered).
4. Chicago: the White Sox (because the Cubs have Cubs fans).

I hope this helps you. Cavebot would like to remind you, friends, less time spent caring about your sports means more time caring about things which are consequential. Remember, fan is short for fanatic, and all things in moderation…

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