Archive for the ‘Comics’ Category

Rumor Has It…

May 11, 2014

Who started this rumor? Step up and have the courage to say that you are the one who started spreading this lie–telling people that I, Cavebot, was actually MODOK. I took these two snapshots of MODOK, and I promise you, he (it?) looks nothing like your host:


He may be more handsome than I, but he’s also…disproportionate. Please, cease. I am not, nor have ever been, MODOK. Thank you for your attention.

Vergil describes Rumor:

monstrum horrendum, ingens, cui quot sunt corpore plumae,
tot vigiles oculi subter (mirabile dictu),
tot linguae, totidem ora sonant, tot subrigit auris.



April 28, 2014

I, like most of the nation of Clerville (it’s in another continuum, but you should have access to its newpapers), have been following the story of Diabolik and his lovely accomplice, Eva Kant. This criminal has been pulling off the most fascinating heists against the most deserving victims imaginable–the ultra-wealthy and the aristocratic holders of inherited wealth and power. This in itself makes for an amazing series of events. What is most interesting, I find, is that Diabolik is the very embodiment of a reversal of our preconceived notions about the forces of order. Diabolik’s nemesis, the inspector Ginko, tries (and fails) to foil our anti-hero. As an officer of the law, one might expect him to uphold order; in fact, he’s is the one who spreads chaos! Diabolik’s plans depend on the master-thief being able to foresee the maximum number of eventualities. Ginko serves as the unforeseen, the element of chaos which tries to undermine Diabolik’s incredible sense of order. Law and Order, you say? Bah! It would be more accurate to say Law and Disorder!

Chaos (with gun):


Order (love and unity):


Stop Calling Them That

April 26, 2014

Please. I know how popular they are these days. I know that the Avengers movie made more money in a weekend than all of Marvel’s sales during the silver-age combined. I know that the kids all thought Heath Ledger’s Joker was the sweetest performance ever. I know these things…but please, stop calling them Comic Book Movies. They are not Comic Book Movies, they are movies based on characters and stories which first appeared in comic books. We don’t call movies based on novels “Realist fiction movies”. If you want to see a comic book movie, watch David Lynch’s Dune. All those voice-overs while there’s a close-up of the character–thought balloons (or the cinematic equivalent)! Or for a different take on it (ungood, as opposed to Dune‘s double-plus good), watch a 60s Fantastic Four cartoon, or a Dennis the Menace cartoon–the animation is so lazy it looks like they filmed a comic book or Sunday strip from panel to panel then did voice-overs.
So please: Super-Hero movie=yes; comic book movie=no.
Tune in later for my comments on ‘Comics for people who don’t normally read comics’.

Declension of ‘Comix’

April 7, 2014

As it will not always be (and hasn’t always been) the lingua universalis, English sometimes needs to have its words given a Latin form. Thus, should any of these words slip back into another era, or should English fail and Latin reign again (more likely the case–go see for yourself, if you can), I have given below the declension for the noun comix, comicis (f), 1. comic book 2. the comics.

Comix (f) Singular Plural
Nominative Comix Comices
Genitive Comicis Comicium
Dative Comici Comicibus
Accusative Comicem Comices
Ablative Comice Comicibus
Vocative Comix Comices


This declension has now been launched into the timewaves–it is too late (and too early, in fact) to dispute it. No arguments over the gender of the noun can be submitted. Comices Americanæ, for example, is correct, Comices Americani— or even Comicia Americana–incorrect. Hear that, popule vaticane? You don’t get a say in the matter.

Best Comic Strips (Currently)

April 7, 2014

1. Monty

2. This Modern World

3. Tom the Dancing Bug

4. Scary Gary

5. Ripley’s Believe It or Not!

Nota Bene:

By putting This Modern World before Tom the Dancing Bug, I risk hurting Mr. Bolling’s feelings; vice versa might be taken badly by Mr. Tomorrow. Please, gentlemen, understand that I find the work both of you do to be beyond excellent.

This list was compiled after I recently wrote on the downfall of the American comic strip. The creators of the strips listed above must be recognized for the brilliance they bring to otherwise dark comic strip times. More on Ripley’s later (would you believe it?).

The State of the Strip

March 25, 2014

The American newspaper comic strip has, unfortunately, sunk into an embarrassing degradation. Can it rise again before the newspapers themselves fail and we see our democracies crumble before they ever became true?

Having my unique pan-temporal perspective, I understand as well as any of your academics that art’s evolution is linear–art isn’t “progressing” they way human knowledge does. But how did we get from Little Nemo (over a hundred years ago), Flash Gordon (over 80 years ago) and Peanuts (over 60 years ago) to Luann, Zits, and Sally Forth? It makes my one good eye cry to see the comic strips of today. I’ve been reduced to making several excursions into the past to get me some Ziggy and Barney Google & Snuffy Smith: even strips whose characters look like testicles are better than today’s fare!

Many current strips do not appear actually to be drawn by artists, but rather are issued from a wicked, retarded xerox device. The censorship so obviously being applied makes me ask the question: which authority limited the types of strips allowed? From my survey of this year 2014, it seems all strips must show:

a) the tender conflict between parents and their children;

b) the lovable orneriness of cats and the lovable dimness of dogs; or

c) the resigned subjugation of the American worker.

I can assure you that there comes a day (humor, being era-sensitive, clouds my future-sight, so I can’t say exactly when), but yes, there comes a day when it will be acknowledged that hating your mother-in-law and wanting to play golf are not jokes. There is no more humor in noticing that teenagers seem to eat a lot than in realizing your wife has gone shopping again. Stop!

Word to the newspaper editors: you are not just catering to the lowest common denominator; you are the lowest common denominator. Run good comics, sell newspapers; (continue to) run bad comics, and watch your newspapers die. Are you proud of yourselves for playing your part in the coming rise of totalitarianism?

There is a parallel world…

June 7, 2007

…where Batman and Robin subsist on meager hours and some assistance from the state. He is like family, so Alfred remains in their employ, begrudgingly sometimes. He does, however, have his own residence (seen in the photo below). It is unknown what menace they face:

The date is unreadable in the lower left corner.

Perry White, Pimp-in-Chief

May 31, 2007

Digging through my archives, I came across a nice little gem that reveals the real dynamic at work in modern journalism. As the old saying goes, “I’m as objective as my Corporate Masters permit”:

Pimping Lois Lane

Correction of faulty logic: the Right to a Free Press does not, on this or on any parallel world, mean that the press will be without bias. If anything, it suggests that bias will abound because the press is free to express it. This Public Service Announcement brought to you by the Society to Sabotage the Memory Hole.

Jinx or Hi-Jinx?

May 24, 2007

I was reading the news out of Canadia this morning, and I came across this article:


First of all, it must be said, the reporters up in Canadia are incredible–able to acurately report the subjects’ thoughts.

April is upset, feeling that her wishes, expressed as prayer, have been fulfilled: she called upon God to bring a tree down on the new house, and God did her bidding. Is God performing April’s Hi-Jinx for her? Is this one of April’s powers that we didn’t know about before?

Or, perhaps more likely, it is the power of the jinx, the word made flesh. Only known neutralizer: touching wood*. Striking less often than coïncidence, the unpredictible jinx provides us with the opportunity to assign blame based on an ante factum confession:

“I hope you don’t get that job.”


“Well, I didn’t get that job. Thanks a lot, Jinxy.”

Beware the Jinx Master, someone who by uttering their desires can trick forth the power of the jinx. Such a person comes too dangerously close to being a Master of Reality.

Either way, whether April inadvertantly tripped a jinx wire or if God is her Dupe, she must be educated to have very few wishes, no ambition, and all anger must be drugged away. Only a docile creature can handle the reins of God; only as a mild breeze can jinx be tolerated, for its potential tempests would be devastating.

*Ironic, eh? The wooden tree “knocked” the wooden house?

Look for more like this in my upcoming academic article, “The Humor of the Jinx: Accidents and the Visual Pun” in la Revue des études négligeables.


May 18, 2007

I ran into an old friend today, someone else stranded here in the early-21st century, but he is from not another time but another planet, Le Monde des Krabbenmenschs. Here is an artist’s representation of a painful (but tasty) episode of his life. Bon appétit!