Archive for the ‘Culture’ Category

Stop Making Sense

May 26, 2014

Every once in a while, Cavebot must implore journalists to watch their words. This time has arisen once again: in the wake of another mass killing at an educational facility (need I tell you what lesson we ought to be learning?), I keep being told that Americans are trying to ‘make sense’ of the murders. What is the ‘sense’ that we hope to ‘make’ of this brutality? The problem is that logic must be reshaped if this insanity is going to have any part in it. Let me recap what has happened these past couple of centuries: violent conquest of continent, unforeseen weaponry when granting specific rights, culture of alienation and acclimation towards violence, periodic mass-killings in competitive society pitting its members against each other. There, that’s the sense we can make of it. Anything else is begging for increased double-think abilities because honesty about what is going on hurts too much.

So please, holster your weapons, try not to think about your shitty job, try not to think about the meaninglessness within the cult of individualism, and try not to think about your tiny cock.


Happy Birthday, and Thank You

May 24, 2014

Just a reminder, take his advice:
“Bow down to her on Sunday,
Salute her when her birthday comes…”
This advice applies to the man himself, Mr. Bob Dylan, who celebrates his 73rd today. After all he’s done for us, keep him in mind.
“…for Halloween get her a trumpet,
and for Christmas, get her a drum”.

Rumor Has It…

May 11, 2014

Who started this rumor? Step up and have the courage to say that you are the one who started spreading this lie–telling people that I, Cavebot, was actually MODOK. I took these two snapshots of MODOK, and I promise you, he (it?) looks nothing like your host:


He may be more handsome than I, but he’s also…disproportionate. Please, cease. I am not, nor have ever been, MODOK. Thank you for your attention.

Vergil describes Rumor:

monstrum horrendum, ingens, cui quot sunt corpore plumae,
tot vigiles oculi subter (mirabile dictu),
tot linguae, totidem ora sonant, tot subrigit auris.

Get Yourself Some Olaf

May 10, 2014

Raise your drinking glasses and put on your reading ones, friends! He who propelled his mind through time, the great writer Olaf Stapledon, would have celebrated his 128th birthday today. His imagination is of such great power that it seems to be a physical force. This year, I recommend for you who are lucky enough to find a copy, Darkness and the Light. Learn the paths we may follow, we humans of today who are but tomorrow’s cavemen. Thank you, Olaf, today and forever.

Sporting Choices

May 5, 2014

Being temporally fluent, let’s say, I am often sought after for my supposed objectivity. Recently, many have come to me wondering which team to support in a two-team town. For reasons which aren’t entirely clear, I always know who deserves your enthusiasm. Here are your instructionsn North American version:

1. New York: Mets (as opposed to the best team money can buy), Jets (because it rhymes with Mets, and they have a better logo), and the Nets (because they’re not the Knicks).
2. The Bay Area: the A’s (just ’cause), the Niners (everyone loves a miner), and the Warriors (only game in town).
3. Los Angeles: for baseball, neither (ain’t no such thing as Angels, and the Dodgers have Dodger fans); for basketball, neither (they’re in the same conference as the Nuggets, history’s most supreme team all sports considered).
4. Chicago: the White Sox (because the Cubs have Cubs fans).

I hope this helps you. Cavebot would like to remind you, friends, less time spent caring about your sports means more time caring about things which are consequential. Remember, fan is short for fanatic, and all things in moderation…


May 3, 2014

Knowing what I know as I drift along the time breeze, I have to say that series (television, comic, etc) which are episodic are more to my liking. They are, in fact, more natural, the way they imitate the constant re-upping of reality which you call ‘the dawn of a new day’. The trend these days is for continuity–no longer do we see our friends the characters embarking on a new adventure each week/month; now, a whole series is really like a 20+ hour movie. Unnatural–the directness of causality is not generally so obvious in nature: links between unrelated events and players reveal themselves much later. These continuity series lay it all out for you, acting as if the universe operates in a manner that makes all the causal links part of the same chain. Not so.
And on that note, I do not welcome comments from you lovers of the Wire, Breaking Bad, Mad Men, House of Cards, True Detective et al. The forum for discussing such awesomeness is not lacking, you do not need to let Cavebot know how wrong you find him.  I lay before you the greatest American television series of all time (list non-exhaustive):

5. Law and Order: Criminal Intent
4. Rawhide
3. The Twilight Zone
2. South Park
1. Star Trek (original series)

Honorable Mentions, Special Categories:
Land of the Lost (Best Documentary Series) and
Monday Night Football (Best Religious Program).

What are we–dogs? (Class and Race, Part II)

April 29, 2014

I’ve seen your future, so you must believe me–skin-color is becoming more homogenous, especially in countries such as the United States and Brazil. That shouldn’t be the necessary factor, however, for the current generations to overcome racism. Since I know it best, let me comment on race in America (it seems to be a hot topic, yes?):

1. ‘Race’ comes from a word meaning ‘root’. In America, everybody’s ancestors (even the Amerindians, if we can go back about 30000 years) uprooted themselves to go to the new world, whether by choice or by force. At the moment of this uprooting, they (and consequently you) were déracinés (un-rooted, and thus de-raced). Once on American soil ‘race’ was a thing of the past. Get it?

2. Make sure you are not confusing ‘race’ with ‘class’. Certain peoples have historically belonged to certain social classes (by force, then by the force of institutional tradition). When you express racial hatred, you might be transferring your class hatred. This is necessary because we must simultaneously think that we have a nation of equals yet process the empiric evidence that shows we don’t.

3. Some forms of racial hatred/bias may be simply from a poor education in aesthetics, namely, thinking that there is arguing over taste.

There isn’t.

You not liking someone’s looks, or their social behavior, or their taste in culture, this is a matter of personal aesthetics. Your tastes are not superior to those of others, they are different. You must keep in mind:

de gustibus non disputandum est.

More on the cures for racism (long-term) later.


Stop Calling Them That

April 26, 2014

Please. I know how popular they are these days. I know that the Avengers movie made more money in a weekend than all of Marvel’s sales during the silver-age combined. I know that the kids all thought Heath Ledger’s Joker was the sweetest performance ever. I know these things…but please, stop calling them Comic Book Movies. They are not Comic Book Movies, they are movies based on characters and stories which first appeared in comic books. We don’t call movies based on novels “Realist fiction movies”. If you want to see a comic book movie, watch David Lynch’s Dune. All those voice-overs while there’s a close-up of the character–thought balloons (or the cinematic equivalent)! Or for a different take on it (ungood, as opposed to Dune‘s double-plus good), watch a 60s Fantastic Four cartoon, or a Dennis the Menace cartoon–the animation is so lazy it looks like they filmed a comic book or Sunday strip from panel to panel then did voice-overs.
So please: Super-Hero movie=yes; comic book movie=no.
Tune in later for my comments on ‘Comics for people who don’t normally read comics’.

Five Most Awesome Ancient Dramas

April 21, 2014

5. Thyestes (Seneca). Cannibalism, on stage.
4. Oedipus Rex (Sophocles). The first detective story.
3. Frogs (Aristophanes). Gods disguised as other gods, shitting-my-pants jokes, literary criticism, the ghosts of frogs.
2. Herakles (Euripides). Regicide, infanticide, forgiveness.
1. Bacchae (Euripides). Booze, xenophobia, dismemberment. Still untopped, even by Billy Shakes.

Dear Gun-Baby (or Questions for the Gun-lover)

April 10, 2014

You don’t mind if I call you Gun-Baby, do you? As they say, if the bootie fits, wear it. You are, after all, a big baby, yeah? Things are scary and they make you go poopy in your pants. Do you need a new diaper before you reload? Is the meany trying to hurt you? Is the big bad government going to go all tyrannical on your dirty little behind if you don’t have a gun? Do you fantasize about using your gun, creating little imagined opportunities to have to use you gun? ‘He looked at me all funny in the sand box’ ‘I was playing with that ball first’ ‘I wanted the red lollipop’, and so bang! gotta use the gun, all while saying it’s to protect yourself and your loved ones. Baby knows it’s wrong to lie, doesn’t he, even if all the other babies tell the same lie? Does baby love his family so much he gets a lil’ erection thinking about defending them? Does baby love his big, hard gun because his wee-wee is so small and doesn’t work properly? Does baby not really know how to read, and doesn’t realize the second amendment has two clauses, and that the first one defines the circumstances of the second one (it’s like Latin’s ablative absolute–oh, I’m sorry, Gun-Baby doesn’t like big words)? Are you going to be ok, Gun-Baby? You got your way, but all this blood everywhere just makes Gun-Baby even scareder.